I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize