just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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