You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
