there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
well you can't waste a boner
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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