I learned to sign I want to be on you today
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Deaf chicks here I come
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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