My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
