Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
