I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
