he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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