there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
