i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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