In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
