I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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