So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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