So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My nipple is on Facebook.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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