Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
