i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
