i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
