I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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