Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
