im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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