Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i love accidental penises.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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