I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
