i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
