I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
