I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
