I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
