Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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