i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
