Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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