I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
