When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
