Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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