you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
