cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
