i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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