I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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