I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
