she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
