VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
