bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
