you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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