i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
