I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
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