just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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