Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
