he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
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Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
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I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize