Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
