so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
