Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
