Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize