The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
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I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
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Regret, thy taste is box wine.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Did you pee in the oven last night??
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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