I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
