So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
not ubering you a puppy
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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