Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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