I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
