2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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