Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
