I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
