pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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