I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
