Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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