Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I think my moral compass just broke
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
