Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have aggressive nipples.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
