I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
