dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize