If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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