i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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