i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.