I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
