i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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