I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
