i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
