As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave him joint rollers for hands
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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