Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
