your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
