Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
