two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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