U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
